Only About Half of Your Friends Like You

                Think of all the people with whom you interact during the course of a day, week, month, and year. All those who, by some accident of fate, inhabit your world. And then ask yourself who among them are your friends – your true friends. Only about half of perceived friendships are mutual. That is, someone you think is your friend might not be so keen on you or, vice versa. It’s a startling finding that has prompted much discussion among psychologists, organizational behavior experts and sociologists. Some blame human beings’ basic optimism, if not egocentrism, for the disconnect between perceived and actual friendships. It’s a concern because the authenticity of one’s relationships has an enormous impact on one’s health and well-being. People don’t like to hear that the people they think of as friends don’t name them as friends. Poor perception of friendship ties limits the ability to promote behavioral change.

                It’s easier to say what friendship is not and foremost, it is not instrumental. It is not a means to obtain higher status, wangle an invitation to someone’s home or simple escape your own boredom. Rather, friendship is more like beauty or art, which kindles something deep within us. Treating friends like investments or commodities is anathema to the whole idea of friendship. Friendship is people you take the time to understand and allow to understand you. Because time is limited, so, too, is the numbers of friends you can have.